


Why I Watch You

by ruethereal



Category: SHINee, Super Junior
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-01
Updated: 2010-11-01
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:32:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruethereal/pseuds/ruethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donghae sees a lot of different things, looking at Jonghyun.  But there's only one thing he hopes for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why I Watch You

Donghae sees a lot of different things, looking at Jonghyun.

Jonghyun’s features are sharp: his eyes, his cheekbones, his jaw, hell, even his teeth.  It’s probably why Donghae, like everyone else, thinks Jonghyun looks like a dinosaur.  Sometimes, Donghae wonders what kind of dinosaur, really.  A raptor? A tyr-something rex?  He would ask someone, but that’s a strange thing to be interested in about a hoobae.  Of course, he’s never told Jonghyun that he, like _everyone_ else, thinks the singer looks like a dinosaur.  But sometimes, Donghae wonders what kind of animal he looks like.  He hopes it’s something cool.

Donghae thinks dinosaurs are cool.  Not that he’s told anyone this.

Least of all Jonghyun.

Who Donghae looks at and also sees a little boy.  Sure, he’s only a few years older than Jonghyun, but the way Jonghyun smiles, crooked and unguarded, the way he fidgets when he’s nervous and when he’s antsy and when he’s tired, the way he has to cover his mouth when he laughs because his jaw drops open before he can think better of it, the way his eyes double in size and blink in double-time when he’s shocked, the way his bottom lip nudges his top lip into his nose when he sulks… All these things make Donghae want to walk Jonghyun to school or buy Jonghyun candy or stick his tongue out at Jonghyun.

But that would make Donghae feel like a weirdo.  As much as it would make him feel like an older brother.

And Jonghyun doesn’t call Donghae “hyung” anyway.

But that’s okay.  They’re fine as sunbae and hoobae.  Because Donghae looks at Jonghyun and sees both a colleague and a rival.  Sure, Donghae will probably never be able to sing like Jonghyun, but Jonghyun will also never be able to dance like Donghae.  Well, that’s what Donghae tells himself.  But not only is Donghae a few years older than Jonghyun; he also has a few years of experience over the SHINee vocalist.  So even if he can’t hold hands with Jonghyun walking through the halls, or offer to take Jonghyun out for ice cream, or ask Jonghyun to go shopping with him (all of these as an older brother to a younger brother, like Donghae wants, remember?), at least he can offer Jonghyun advice when the younger boy is feeling too bogged down by his new stardom.

Because looking at Jonghyun, Donghae sees a star.  No, not just an idol, a novelty celebrity.

Because, to Donghae especially, Jonghyun shines.

But that’s where Donghae gets confused: in spite of how much Jonghyun blinds Donghae with bling-bling, silly, reptilian self, he’s so _normal_.  Jonghyun is happy when he ought to be happy, he’s cranky when he ought to be cranky, but tries not to be too cranky anyway.  He cracks his knuckles when he’s holding back an insult (or a punch).  He runs around in street clothes as comfortably as he does in what the coordi-noonas decide (though he’s aware of how good he looks either way).  He treats SHINee like a career as much as a privilege and a _family_.  He tells dirty jokes, laughs at dirty jokes.  Well, when no one important is around.

Donghae was Jonghyun’s age when he debuted, too.  But he has a hard time remembering if he was so “normal” so early in his career.  He hopes he was.  He knows he can be a bit snobby (he didn’t win best looks for no reason… uh, with Sungmin, of course), but it’s all in good fun.

Donghae hopes Jonghyun thinks he’s fun.  And normal and nice and cool and talented.  Yeah, all the things that he thinks of when he looks at Jonghyun.

But maybe it’s a little selfish of him to hope that, since he’s never told Jonghyun what he thinks of him.

Because most of all, when Donghae looks at Jonghyun, he sees someone he could care about.  More than as a hoobae who he can give guidance to or as a friend who he can get in trouble with or a snotty little brother who he can show off.  More than those things, Donghae wants to wrap his arms around Jonghyun, tell Jonghyun he's proud of him, ask Jonghyun to sing for him.

And sometimes, Donghae looks at Jonghyun and Jonghyun looks back, and Donghae thinks they’re thinking the same thing.  Those times, Donghae feels a fluttering in his chest, feels how empty his arms are.  But Jonghyun is polite, shy, and so he does nothing but smile gently.  No pointy teeth, no mischief in his eyes.  But still nice, still cool.

So, until the day they risk being uncool, Donghae won't say anything either.

“Hey.  Jonghyun.”

“Oh, sunbae—”

“What kind of dinosaur do you think you are?”


End file.
